Simon Hodges photographed by Matt Porteous

This month, LUX columnist and life coach Simon Hodges reflects on the difficulties of the past year, and the lessons we’ve learnt

As we all start to emerge, perhaps feeling somewhat dazed and disorientated, from this long period of isolation, I find myself contemplating a few questions:

• Will we ever experience life again as it was before?
• What lessons have I learned from this challenging period?
• What lessons do we collectively need to learn from this last year?

Sitting in my log cabin office on a very windy and still fairly cold day (summer still feels a way off!), one thing is abundantly clear to me: never underestimate how quickly things can change!

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But despite the late summer and the chaos of this last year, the first thing that comes to my mind is the word ‘hope’; there is nothing to say that our lives and this world cannot change markedly for the better in the coming weeks and months ahead.

Of course, I could just have easily chosen other words like ‘despair’ or ‘frustration’ but I find myself unable to do so. And one of the main reasons why I say this is that I think we all know with absolute certainty that it does not serve us to stay in such a dark place any longer.

Lessons Learnt – for me personally

My first lesson learnt is to choose to focus more of my energy on the light while recognising that the darkness is always there and that there are times when we all experience this darkness at the same time. And behind this are some real home truths for me:

• Acceptance and surrender – for me, being happy is as much about being ok and accepting of the darkness in the world and in ourselves, as it is about consciously choosing to experience more light and joy. A huge part of what makes our human experience meaningful is our experience of both ends of the emotional spectrum.
• Growth is never easy – we learn so much more about ourselves and are given the opportunity to learn and grow in times of hardship, struggle and adversity. Learning to see these times as a gift and not an obstacle is a game-changer in life. I guess this is something I have always intuitively known to be true, but it has really hit home recently.
• This too shall pass – no matter how bad life seems, and God, do we know it can feel grim, it is incredibly comforting to remind ourselves that this moment will pass and the light will return.

Lessons Learnt – for us collectively

The older I get, the more I feel that the universe and nature has a way of bringing us back into alignment with a higher purpose. That doesn’t mean to say that I believe that there is a permanence to our presence on this planet. Indeed, I have no doubt that we, as humans, have the capacity to self-sabotage and destroy more than any other creature or force out there today.

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How this all pans out is largely going to depend on how well we as individuals and a collective, listen to the lessons the universe is sending us right now and choose to act as a result.

• Choose love not fear – we need to move away from the outdated programme we have all been running (and taught from a young age) which tells us that we must compete over scarce resources and act in our self-interests if we are to survive. We need to learn that being loving is actually the hardest thing you will ever do – it takes real courage and strength to lead with love and it is oh so easy to lead with fear.
• Less is more – we live in a world obsessed with the accumulation of stuff. In turn, this leads us into a spiral of there never being enough, our cups forever half-full. These needs are fuelled and encouraged from all angles in the modern world. Learning to truly understand what enough looks like and then applying this in our daily lives is going to be crucial to our future happiness and sustainability.
• Serve others – this world would be an exponentially better place if we stopped making it all about ourselves, what we need and why others are to blame for our circumstances. This state of mind leaves us stuck, filled with judgment and leaning on our fear fuelled egos. Doing something for someone else, no matter how small will leave you happier and more fulfilled. It is that simple.

Next time

This has been an incredibly challenging year for us all, in so many different ways and on so many different levels, so forgive me for this column being a little more sombre! I am a huge believer that we only learn from our mistakes and we also only change our behaviour when we hit a leverage point (usually when life is painful) and I think it is fair to say that many of us are there right now. So, what are you prepared to do to commit to change?

Find out more about Simon Hodges’ work: simonhodges.com; @simonhodgescoaching

Simon Hodges photographed by Matt Porteous

This month, LUX columnist and life coach Simon Hodges concludes his ‘how to thrive in uncertainty’ series by sharing some practical advice on how to effect positive and lasting change

Over the last few months, I have been exploring why we tend to operate more often in survival mode as a result of our often unconscious programming, otherwise known as our belief systems or (more colloquially) the bullshit stories we believe to be true about ourselves and the world we live in.

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In today’s column and final part of this series on how to thrive in uncertainty, I explore how we can practically move away from these old fear-based patterns (or beliefs) and learn how to thrive again.

Making change a MUST

As I am an intensely practical person, my focus is on being real and offering you concrete insights into how to effect real and lasting change in your life.

As I said in my last column, change never happens until you first become aware of what is actually going on in your life and you can see both the reality and the negative impact of the beliefs you currently buy into. It is often revelatory to my clients when they first see a written list of their beliefs and just how toxic they are, which leads me onto my first point…

As human beings, we will only ever change our behaviour when it is a MUST to do so; in other words, we all need to hit our leverage point to change and this usually means experiencing so much pain that it becomes intolerable to endure it any longer! If you need help hitting your leverage point, you can ask yourself the following questions:

• What does the predictable future look like for my life and what I want to achieve if I nothing really changes in the next 10 years or even 20 years? What will be my deepest regrets if I allow this to happen?
• What is the impact of my behaviour on my relationships and particularly, those I love the most? What does this look like 5 years from now if nothing changes?

Once you have become aware of what is no longer working for you and have also taken full ownership of it personally (no outsourcing to others with the blame and shame game!), you have to fully commit to doing whatever it takes to make these changes happen.

Change means change!

This leads me onto my second point: change requires a different approach. As Einstein said, the definition of insanity is to do the same thing and expect different results. It sounds achingly simple, almost patronisingly so, but the reality is that most of us try to change by largely doing more of the same and then convincing ourselves that we did everything we could.

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So here is my challenge to you, if you are 100 % committed to change, you need to start to change the way you show up minute to minute, day to day, week to week and here are some fundamentals to address from the ‘get go’:

• Be curious and open minded – in other words, challenge yourself constantly to see if you can look at any given scenario, any interaction and event differently. What if my way of seeing things was not the only way? What if other perspectives were equally valid?
• Everyone you meet in life is your teacher – for me, this is one of the biggest game changer lessons I learnt. The point here is that everyone who comes into our lives (even those we can’t stand!), can teach us something. More often than not, we learn the most about ourselves and grow exponentially as a person from those relationships which feel the most challenging and push our buttons.
• Adopt a growth mindset – if you really want to change, this is a non-negotiable. Nothing worthwhile in life comes effortlessly, you have to do the work and most of all, you have to consistently push yourself to grow. And you will know you are truly growing when you consistently feel uncomfortable, out of your comfort zone, confused, uncertain and life feels messy! All growth is messy and uncomfortable but it is so worth it in the end when you realise how far you have come and most of all, how differently you now feel about yourself day to day.

This is always the acid test of how successfully you have grown, ask yourself: do I feel different today compared to 12 months ago?

Photograph Matt Porteous

Big change comes from consistently making little changes

If you want proof this is true, take a moment to think about the power of compounding in your finances, or Google some examples, and you will see just how quickly £1 invested every day can grow over a longer period of time.

It’s the same with life. If you want to see positive change and powerful results, first and foremost, you need to be consistent in applying these, often small, changes every day and remain disciplined enough to stay the course.

Get clear about what you want in your life and why you want it

Finally, if you want to make lasting and positive change in your life, focus on what you want your life to look like and most importantly, how you want to feel on a day to day basis.

Getting clarity on all aspects of your vision for your life across your finances, career, relationships, health, personal development, spirituality, fun and adventures is really important as it is the magnet which will pull you forward. The more clarity you have on exactly how you want this to look and the more emotionally invested you are in this outcome, the greater the chances of your success.

The most important part of all is to seek clarity on the emotions you want to feel more of in life and to start doing things today which take you in this direction. If you want more fulfilment, more contentment, more passion or more fun in your life, what sort of things do you need to be doing more of on a daily basis, and what sort of people (if any) should you be doing them with?

Find out more about Simon Hodges’ work: simonhodges.com; @simonhodgescoaching